Cat Terrorists

Anyone who has ever lived with a cat has probably suspected that these animals may secretly be terrorists.

There's the disappearing to God knows where for days or weeks on end, then appearing out of thin air in the middle of the room. There is the midnight skulking around the basement or the attic. Looking for what exactly? There are the sneak attacks while one is simply walking to the bathroom. Simply a primal feline habit, or practice for something much more sinister? They shock us with the corpses of field mice, displayed like some kind of trophy. And don't even talk to me about the sleeper cells.

Last month, we learned that one of them, this "Emily," traveled to...France...in the belly of an airliner, and flew home in Business Class! Who paid for that ticket, I wonder.

And now we learn that a cat in Ohio has been dialing the phone. What's next, encrypted emails?

We cannot sit idly by and let this threat continue. These animals live amongst us, and they hate our freedom and they hate our way of life. We need to fight back now, and we need to understand that this war will be a war like no other.